Staying with my current Bearer has given me the chance to catch up on my world defence and security knowledge, as she is the PR at Jane's. But after a week of sitting around reading, and sifting through her 'frillies' drawer while she was at work, it was good to get on with the mission.
Our mission was attend the recording of "Top Gear". On first arrival it did not look like it was going to be successful, as Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise were the "Star in an Ordinary Car" this week and the security guards were over-zealous and ordered no bags, etc. in the studio. I told them I strongly object to being called an "etc.", but that was that - no option! So while the lovely Cameron Diaz was interviewed, I was forced to sit outside. I was one unhappy Bear. I was hoping to get near her, I have seen what she uses for hair gel so you never know your luck with her, but I can say that I have stood within 50 yards of Cameron Diaz ... which I bet is more than most of you.
My Bearer and her friend did get to say "Hello" to Tom Cruise, when a member of the audience fainted and Tom rushed to his rescue like the true hero he is ... and squeezing between my two friends and into the audience Tom smiled at them and said "Hi". Once a pilot always a pilot, he still has that sickly pilot charm but luckily he did not burst into a rendition of "You've Lost That Loving Feeling". If he had, even outside I would have felt the urge to chuck up. I have met too many pilots in my time and seen it done over and over, each in total belief that they are so original and the first to ever think to re-enact that famous scene. Note to Tom ... you have a lot to answer for mate, you give pilots a bad name!! Thinking about it, I would really have liked to have had a word with Tom about that film, and how he has influenced the behaviour of every pilot since. OK, I admit it, a couple of beers and I am up there with the best of them singing to some random lady in the bar.
After the hype of Tom and Cameron, there was a bit of a break, mainly because Clarkson needed a cigarette. It was then to achieve the mission impossible and get me in the studio. Luckily at that point Clarkson, May and the Hamster, (ummm they allow hamsters in but not Bears, strange people), came out for a break and I was able to get some time with them.
James May was my first target as he was easy to spot in a shirt that, as Clarkson pointed out, looked like he had made it out of some curtains. May was happy to pose with me and interested in my name. "Is he from a gliding squadron, as Slingsbys were the first gliders used in the military," commented May. Once I had had my photo with May, my Bearer got her photo taken and May said to her, "I would much rather have my photo with you than the Bear." Bit of a charmer that one. I had to tell him, "Watch it May she is with me! She is my Bearer this week."
Next we took on the harder task of finding the small one in the crowd. Since the Bearer's best friend was a Hammond fan, we just followed her and there he was. He was happy to have his photograph taken with me. My Bearer said, " I think you have met his Bear before." Honestly she can't tell us apart ... it was WO2 Hamilcar who has been pictured with him previously.
"We don't remember each other," Hammond told her in a kind of suggestive way and giving me a strange look. Which to be honest made me slightly uncomfortable. He is a funny one. So we parted company quickly and went on a Clarkson hunt.
Easy to find him really, just look for the cloud of smoke, and the fact that he is about seven foot tall also helps. Clarkson is a keen supporter of smoking and likes to practice what he preaches whenever there is an opportunity or a break in filming. He even suggested lighting up on set and turning it into a smoking studio, then with his usual evil smirk, smiled and said, "Ha, the floor manager is having a heart attack now". I am glad he was never in my Regiment, he would be a difficult one to control!!
Clarkson is very knowledgeable and switched on. He asked my Bearer which area of the military she was from and she said RAF (??!!) He took one look at my cap badge and said, "That is not an RAF cap badge." So she explained about Holidays4Heroes to him - he seemed impressed. He knows his military, and is a big supporter of us all: that includes him being a Founder Patron of that other lot (Help for Heroes). It's good to know Clarkson is on our side, so maybe he can have a word to the Defence Minister and get us some fast cars in the fleet ... or just some vehicles that work would be a start.
(Bearer as an ex OC MT - "Don't even start me on that one." I do know Clarkson tried to build a better version of the Snatch once.)
After our chat with Clarkson, we got away before I got my fur singed or became a passive smoker.
Having now met the team and proved I was not really a ferocious Bear but actually quite civilised, I was able to make it into the studio for the second half of filming. So I straightened my headdress and checked my uniform and ... yep, I was looking good as usual. First up they filmed the news. I was amazed how Clarkson can bring every subject around to talking about his 'parts', or one of the teams', at one point accusing Hammond of having worn his down to a nub. More information than I needed Mr Clarkson!! At this point we were about five rows back behind May and Hammond's sofa. So a safe distance but not in sight of a camera.
After the news Clarkson went into his slightly mystic voice and "Some say he was released from Scotland too early, all we know is he is called the Stig!"
And then they went into a film, so it was time to reset ourselves for the next shot. My Bearer was good at this. It helped that she was blond and female, and her best mate is blond and female, which meant the floor staff pulled us all to the front with the beautiful people to stand behind the "Top Gear" team ... and apparently balance them off against the fact the audience is 90% male and not as aesthetically pleasing.
So we stood by the tin foil pedal-Porsche, just behind the gap between Hammond and May and this time I think my Bearer and me were in shot. So look for my blue beret and my Bearer in a pink top.
[Ed: Makes note, employ taller Bearers in future - she was in camera, but Slingsby was too low to be seen. There's a faint glimpse of his beret, but that's it!]
After that there was another film, during which we were all hurried into a new position, and the floor guys pulled my Bearer and her friend out of the crowd again to stand behind Clarkson. Clarkson came on to introduce the film about the life of Senna, as it is the anniversary of the life of this great racing driver. Then we all stood in silence and watched the film, which featured Lewis Hamilton driving one of Senna's race cars, the boy's dream come true.
After this Clarkson asked for a respectful silence and for no applause and he wished the viewers a good night, without his usual bombshell ending. For the first time in his life, I imagine, Clarkson looked moved.
Then it was just left for Clarkson to do the introductions and endings for the different versions of "Top Gear" that the BBC shows around the world. The last ending, he explained, was for the channel that businessmen watch in hotel rooms now that they cannot put 'adult stuff' on expenses. So he positioned two amply-fronted women either side of him and wished the business men a good night. Then he took a breath, I guess to give the guy who does the editing a chance to cut the tape, and Clarkson said, "Now, businessmen, put it away!" Top Gear is just like being back in the Army, get a bunch of lads together and all they do is discuss their parts! Then Clarkson dashed out, I guess for another cigarette.
By the way ... I made it on to BBC TV. See last picture, at the bottom of the screen ... just!! At least my beret is "famous". And I got to sit in Mr Clarkson's chair, and the 2-seater that was still warm from Cameron Diaz and that short bloke with the shiny teeth.
Does that make me "famous" as well" 
Thanks, "Top Gear Presenter People", for being so nice to me and my Bearer. We had a 'great day out'. Really appreciated!!
Some say he has an over zealous appetite for honey, some say he was the first choice for Christopher Robin's friend but he turned down the role. All we know is...... he is called Sgt Slingsby.......... And he is off on his next mission.
By Amanda Castle, IHS Jane's PR Senior Manager.
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Holidays 4 Heroes is an informal group of people that assists wounded service personnel and their families get a precious break from the routine of rehab, hospital appointments and visits to welfare offices by facilitating holidays away from it all in accommodation donated by our sponsors in the UK and abroad. 
Deals with the cases that either lie outside the normal remit of the main Service Charities, or require a faster response than they can usually provide. Sometimes the cases require financial assistance, a little bit of nudging in the right direction for long-term help, or the application of a bit of expertise.